Departure

In about 2 hours, I will be rushing headlong towards my future and destiny. Everything is packed, and my car is loaded. I'll be spending the night in a hotel, and head to the GMC campus tomorrow. I've got a 5 hour drive ahead of me, so it's bound to be a long evening. I'm not sure how long it will be before I can post, because our rooms don't have internet access.

I've been waiting for my chance for a long time. Here I go.

" It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, who knows great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at his best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph and who at worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows his place shall never be with those timid and cold souls who know neither victory or defeat."

-Theodore Roosevelt.

I never do these, but this was too good.

Take the quiz: "Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle are You?"

Leonardo
You're mature and get the job done. You are a natural born leader, and normally want to be the better of the group. You take your job seriously. You must! It may NOT be a game. When you select a sport, or something you want to do, you train continueously, constantly trying to perfect it. You're always prepared for a challenge, and are normally found one step ahead of your enemies. Loving family more than life itself, you are a good friend, and can be depended on at all times.

Poetic Justice...

Last night was pure poetry.

When we were almost home from the Casbah, Josh started talking about Marcy. His eyes clouded over and he blurted,"Man. I miss that girl." I've seen through those eyes before, and I knew that he wasn't in that car with us. As soon as the words fell from his mouth, my CD player clicked over to Staind, "It's Been Awhile." Josh, Andy, and I sat in my car in front of Josh's house and just sang at the top of our lungs, because we all missed somebody. As the last chord died, Marcy called Josh's phone. He got out to talk to her, and Andy and I climbed out onto Josh's roof to watch the crazy heat lightning storm that was lighting up the sky. I had a cigar and thought about the girl I missed. I wondered what she was doing and if she was thinking about me. Then I thought how lucky I am to be loved so much. It hurt of course, but knowing how much she would have loved to be out there beneath the lightning with me put me at peace. Josh joined us on the roof a little while later, and we just laid on our backs and watched the elements at play. After the last flashes faded from the sky, we climbed back through his window and went to bed.

Here's lookin' at you kid.

Meredith left today. I came over last night after dinner and we hung out until the wee hours of the morning. It was incredibly depressing at first, but the more we were around each other, the happier we became. By the time it came to part we both had smiles on our faces. That's how it is supposed to be. I despise sad goodbyes. We had so much fun together over the past 8 months, and each found someone so special, how could we not end with a smile? Not even really a goodbye, it was more of an "until next time." Then I drove off into the sunset.

Actually, my car wouldn't start. I called Josh to come pick me up. Unfortunately, he never made it. He lost control of his vehicle coming into Mer's neighborhood and ended up bottoming his car out in a dirt lot near the entrance to the neighborhood. Mer gave me a ride up to the lot and we said our last goodbye. Then I spent a little bit trying to free Josh's car. After several failed attempts, I suggested we leave it until morning when we can get a truck. Josh was determined to free his car however, and Andy Bragg dropped Cory and I off at my car and then took Clay and Josh to get Clay's truck. Cory spent about 45 minutes trying to get my car to start and waiting for Josh to return. Josh came back, and we used Clay's truck to pull Josh's car out. I got to sleep around 4. That wasn't exactly how I planned my night. I was orginally planning on being home by 1 so that I could get a decent amount of sleep and go to my cousin's soccer game today, but that didn't work out.

This morning, I woke up around 9 and went to my car, which was still in front of Mer's house. I called for a tow and dropped it off at a shop in OP. They just called and said that I need a new alternator and catalytic converter. The alternator repair is going to cost about $260. I can just remove the catalytic converter. ::sigh::

Good luck Mer. I love you.

Cotton, Fruit, and Welfare Checks

Recently, a rather significant black leader responded to comments made by the Mexican President on the socio-economic status of Mexican immigrants in the U.S. The comments made by both men inflamed minority criticism and both are cases of leaders commenting on areas that are outside of their sphere of relevance. (read an article here)

I'm curious as to why the Mexican President thought that he even had the right to comment on the status of Mexican immigrants to the U.S. For all necessary purposes, these immigrants are now Americans and no longer constituents to the Mexican political system. Also, they help support the Mexican economy by sending massive amounts of money home. Most immigrants find jobs here in America in way better conditions than back in Mexico. Life is better for them here than at home. That's why they come. Finally, this man is a TOTAL idiot for making a derogatory comment about an entire race of people in America. What kind of response did he expect?

Nation of Islam leader Loius Farrakhan responded by saying that blacks don't want to pick fruit because they picked enough cotton. You would think that grown men would be above this kind of childish bickering and finger pointing. It strikes me that I don't personally know ANY black people that picked cotton (and I live in the deep south), and the majority of blacks in America today weren't even adults until after the civil rights era was over. I'm sure Mr. Farrakhan never spent any time on a plantation. The economic status of mainstream black America today is purely one of culture. Encourage your kids to read, don't get divorced, get a job. It is noone else's responsibility to pull you out of the hole. We've already tossed you the rope, now climb out.

Dwindling time...

School is rapidly approaching, and my parent's sanity is rapidly diminishing. They insist upon exhibiting the worst kind of seperation anxiety, and frankly, it's driving me nuts. At least they care... I guess.

Mer and I took a nice trip to St. Augustine a few days ago. We spent the day wandering about downtown like we always do, peeking into shops and enjoying each other's company. We made a trip to the light house, which neither of us had done before. (Mer had never been there during the day) We just casually strolled in through the back gate (which I didn't know was the back gate). Mer neglected to tell me that we were supposed to pay to go inside, so we just paraded right up the tower and hung out for a while. When we came back down we were stopped by a lady who asked us about arm bands or something. Meredith started laughing. I decided to be a good sport and go pay anyway. Then we were off to Fusion Point, where we stuffed our faces with sushi. Mer decided that I wasn't allowed to have anything cooked, and tried to order the most bizarre things on the menu she could find. All in all, it wasn't too bad though. After I dropped Mer off at Lesley's, I went and hung out at Brendan O'Brien's for a while, and spent the night at Josh's house.

There is some guy remodling the garage right now, so I spent last night at Josh's. I can't wait until he is finished so that I can have my bed back.

I am looking forward to school with much excitement. I can't wait to go and make a name for myself.

Mer leaves soon, as do many of my friends, so the remainder of the week is going to be spent finding time to say goodbye to everybody.

Random Pics...

Avenged Sevenfold at Warped Tour.

Rock on at Brendan O'Brien's. Needless to say I was in a good mood.

On Love and War...

Love and war are two sides of the same coin. All are encountered on some level or the other by all individuals, and all have certain rules and axioms necessary to be succesful.

Sun Tzu said that,"All warfare is based on deception." As he continued on this theme, he explained that everything that is done in battle must be made to appear as something else. A displined army must appear to be chaotic, a weak point strong, a strong point weak. In this way you entice your enemy to form his plans based on deceptive information. When he attacks points that he thinks will fall easily, he is met with strength.

On the other side of the coin, I say that true love is based upon the truth. Truth between each other develops trust and comfort. Just as important however, is being true to one's self and emotions. Acknowledging how you feel and acting upon it opens the path for true love and amazing experiences. Trying to deceive yourself about how you feel about someone, will only lead to heartbreak when you are eventually confronted with the truth. I believe that confrontation with the truth is inevitable.

Machiavelli stated: "...men ought to be either well treated or crushed, because they can avenge themselves of lighter injuries, of more serious ones they cannot; therefore the injury that is to be done to a man ought to be of such a kind that one does not stand in fear of revenge." In other words, when you conquer, conquer completely. Leave no room for doubt.

I am of the same mind with love. When you love someone, love them completely. Don't hold back part of yourself for fear of injury, because then, injury is guaranteed. Those who pull back from their lovers because they fear that something may break their hearts, are merely initiating a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you pull away, you are limiting the things that you let yourself feel, and the amount of love that you receive from your partner. This barrier can easily be detected by your love, and since true love knows no barriers, it plants seeds of doubt in your love's heart.

Those who approach battle with fear in their hearts are bound to fall when faced with a fearless foe, but those who approach battle without fear, will conquer. In the same way, those who approach love afraid of injury to their heart will only falter when things become difficult, but those who approach love unafraid have the opportunity to take full advantage of all of the gifts it can give. But how do men approach battle without fear in their heart? They do it by knowing that they are fighting for something greater than themselves. Some fight for freedom, others their homes, but the fearless are fighting for something. In the same way, those who approach love without fear in their hearts are able to do it because they are in it for a reason, the most noble reason of all: the sake of the one that they love. These people can face any challenge.


*Many of these concepts began to become concrete to me while I was at LTC facing many challenges, but events as of late really drove home their truth to me. I've always been a bit of a philosopher but I rarely present my ideas in as organized a fashion as this.

Growing Pains (My Wallet Hurts)...

Well, I recently acquired my Visa Check Card. BAD IDEA. The power of plastic is overwhelming. I've spent so much money this past week and I don't feel guilty about it at all. Books, video games, DVDs, Meredith: Nothing is immune to my financial wrath.

Mer and I are taking a day trip to St. Augustine tomorrow. That should be great fun.

I know that this is a short post but I need to get back to my movie: DAWN OF THE DEAD.

Arrivals...

I deliberately slept in yesterday to pass the time. I pulled myself out of bed at around 11am and began working on the things that needed to get done before I could go pick up Mer from the airport. I ran a load of laundry that included the clothes I wanted to wear and I straightened up my room. Then I moved all of my stuff out of the guest room and back into my room so that Jess will have somewhere to stay until my room is fully converted into an apartment. Last, I moved the crib into the guest room for Alyssa. I managed to spread all of this out over a few hours, interspersed with watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I was planning on leaving for the airport around 4:30 because Mer was arriving around 6, but my father arrived home at around 4 and freaked out because I hadn't left yet and I was going to get caught in rush hour traffic. You have to know my dad. So I left at about 10 after 4 and arrived a good hour early. I brought along some roses and a teddy bear. I bought a paper at the airport and sat around and waited.

Mer's flight arrived exactly on time. We hopped in my car and drove through the rain all the way home. Her folks had cooked up some pretty good stuff on the grill, so I ate dinner with them and talked a little finance with her dad. Then we went up to her room and spent the rest of the night walking through her guided photo tour of Japan and Alabama. I was jealous. It seemed like she had such an adventure this summer. She was getting tired and rightfully so, so I decided to let her go to bed at about 11.

I came home, slid into bed and went right to sleep.

Jessica is getting in this evening. We're going to have a full house. 5 adults and a baby in only 1300 square feet. But you know what? It's going to be alright.

Pensacola...

I arrived home about an hour ago. The drive wasn't bad at all, but my car isn't exactly a luxury car, so my butt is a little sore. I had a great time. I hung out with Ross Friday night and met his girlfriend. She was very sweet and pleasently sarcastic. I told Ross that he must've missed my smartass comments so he found a smartass girlfriend. Saturday I sat around while Ross was at work most of the day. That evening I met Angel up at a show at a little lounge called Sluggo's. After the only decent band we went to Whataburger and grabbed a bite. The rest of her plans for the night involved going to a friends house and smoking out, so I got irritated and went home. When I got back to Ross's, our old buddy Kyle called, and we had to go pick him up and take him home. We stopped by Whataburger again (it was 3am), and it was absolutely packed. People in Pensacola don't sleep. Then I hung out with Ross and Vincent on Sunday. I woke up this morning and got on the road home.
All in all it wasn't a bad trip. I hadn't realized how stressed out my folks were making me, as well as all of the stuff that was running through my head until I arrived at the Downing's and I stopped thinking about all of it. I was a new man. I slept like a baby all three nights. As soon as I stepped into my door today, my parents started pouring the stress back on. I can't wait to leave for college and escape all of these issues. I'm tentatively picking up Mer from the airport tomorrow, so we'll see. I'm praying that her getting back will make life easier for a few weeks. Anyhow, I don't have much to say right now, so I think I'll take a nap.

I'm Leaving

I'm off to Pensacola this weekend, so I probably won't get a chance to post until Monday. My current schedule is:

Depart sometime this afternoon.
Arrive after 5pm.
Hang out with Ross the remainder of today.
Hang out with Angel tomorrow (Ross is working all day)
Hang out with Ross all day Sunday.
Drive back on Monday.

I have a nationwide cellular plan, so I can still receive phone calls while I'm out and about.

Warped Tour...

Today was warped tour. I had a great time, and saw several of my favorite bands. Some of them include: Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, Dropkick Murphies, Story of the Year, Matchbook Romance, Bleeding Through, Zao, My Chemical Romance (who sucked by the way), Senses Fail... and many more that I can't recall right now. The pits were insane, which is a huge surprise for warped tour. My buddies from Fleming Island were shocked when they saw a real hardcore dancing pit. I think that I gained some respect.

I'm leaving for Pensacola tomorrow. Unfortunately, Mer has been unable to call me, so unless I receive some communication tomorrow, I'm going to have to spend Saturday hanging out with other friends of mine. I look forward to seeing Ross again and how much he has changed. Ryan recently received his comission and starts flight school at Pensacola NAS this week. More power to him.

I've been bummed out as of late, and I've had trouble sleeping. Like now, It's 11:30 and I'm physically exhausted, but I can't manage to shut off my brain and sleep.

Jessica is arriving Wednesday.

I've recently been having discussions with my two libertarian friends Nick and Scott on the finer and perhaps messier points of libertarianism. While I share most of the libertarian base beliefs, namely that a man should be able to define his own life on his own terms. Where I become confused, is when an individual's right to choose infringes on another individual's natural rights. Also, being a member of the armed forces causes me to look at the government from a military perspective, and the libertarian utopia presents some very interesting problems for national defense.

Swiss seats suck...

I had been hanging upside down for about five minutes at this point, when they finally managed to rig the casualty so he wouldn't fall. But of course I had to be hooah and volunteer to carry the guy anyway right? My trousers are rolled up because we were in heat condition 5.

Locked, cocked, and ready to rock...

I know. It's only paintball. But I was stoked to get out on the urban squad tactics exercise. This picture was taken during the "weapon familiarization process." Basically, we were shooting at cardboard cutouts of Iraqis.

Episode 1

I received a 5 on my AP Environmental Science Exam.

I will now begin an account of my training with as much detail as is reasonable.

When Aaron and I arrived at the airport I discovered that my flight had actually left two hours earlier than his. My mistake was assuming that the government would put two people from the same town going to the same place at the same time on the same flight. I will never again make the mistake of thinking that the government has common sense. In my defense there was confusion between the times 1500 and 5pm, resulting in my late arrival. Fortunately, there was a later flight leaving for the same destination. It actually saved the government $45. However, it also resulted in my late arrival to GMC.

When I arrived I was issued a bunch of crap, the list of which is unimportant. Then I went up to my room and crashed. I was in a room by myself. We woke up early and went through some in-processing. The rest of the days at GMC involved: an assesment physical fitness test, land nav training, rope bridge construction training, squad tactics training (very brief), laser tag, rappeling, Combat Water Survival Test, PT, barbecues, Wal-Mart, class scheduling, briefs from the national guard, and probably several things that I'm forgetting.

The flight to LTC was uneventful. When we arrived in Louisville, they issued us government food vouchers, so we got to eat wherever we wanted in the airport, as long as it was within the 30 minute time window we had. Then we all piled onto busses and shipped out to Knox.

When we arrived, we all threw our bags onto a bunch of pallets under a tent and went inside for some in-processing. We got to send a postcard home and a copy of the LTC newspaper. There was also various other paperwork. Then we went back outside and I headed up a team of about 3 other cadets that loaded up a 5 ton truck with all of our bags. Then we walked over to the real in-processing building where we spent much of the day going through stations. Here I was issued my I.D., made tentative return travel plans, had my medical qualification reviewed, and made a phone call home among other things. Finally, we exited that building and loaded up on busses.

When we arrived at the barracks, there was a huge pile of random bags sitting next to the bus. We all had to grab some bags and run to stand in formation in what was going to become our company formation area. It was an amusing fiasco to see this huge group of civilians try and figure out what a formation was, and then get into it, with all of these huge bags. There were some extra bags left by the bus, so I ran back with a few other cadets and grabbed those and brought them back to the formation. Then we all had to find our own bags. After all of that was over, we grounded our gear and headed into DFAC (the old dining facility connected to our barracks), where we were assigned to our platoons and squads. The rest of that day is kind of a blur, I remember that we were up until about 0200 filling out paperwork in the squad bay before we had lights out. Our squad bay was the designated female bay, so all of the males from our platoon were dispersed throughout the barracks in side rooms with 4 bunks each. Alas... reveille was at 0500.

Here we go again...

Well, apparently my big sister is moving back in... again. This time, since my aunt is living here also, my parents are going to turn the garage into a small apartment for her and the baby. The problem is... I live in the garage. My dad told me I had to have all of my stuff packed and ready to move out before I went to Pensacola this weekend. Since Warped Tour is Thursday, and I want to leave on Friday, that leaves tomorrow and Friday morning. I can tell what I'm going to be doing all day tomorrow.